Like George W. Bush before him, President Trump has run a sports franchise and run a sovereign nation.
Bush was an owner of MLB’s Texas Rangers from 1989 to 1998 and president of the United States from 2001 to 2009. Trump was owner of the U.S. Football League’s New Jersey Generals from 1984 to 1985 and as of this writing has been president of the United States for 206 days 3 hours 47 minutes and 58 fun-filled and frantic seconds.
Results have been mixed.
There are two big differences: Bush never caused an entire professional sports league to dissolve and Bush never tweeted. Of course, Bush was pre-Twitter and Trump is post-apocalyptic Twitter. Heck, Trump is the apocalypse on Twitter; his tweets alone can cause climate change.
Anyway, lost in Trump’s early-morning Twitter storms are his rest-of-the-day sports tweets. He has more sporting opinions than Skip Bayless’s spleen.
But his best Twitter missives are the ones he doesn’t send. Couch Slouch has obtained copies of some of POTUS’s finest pre-deleted sports tweets:
●“While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I still think Anna Kournikova can win Wimbledon one day. #TotalBabe”
●“This Heisman vote is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy anymore!”
●“Time to put end to Dominican pipeline taking American baseball jobs — they’re pouring in, they are bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime.”
● “How do you sign James Harden for $245M??? The dollar has gone to hell!”
● “The failing @nytimes doesn’t even carry baseball box scores anymore. Sad!”
● “They say Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wouldn’t be able to get back into USA under my ‘Muslim travel ban.’ It’s his choice. Your move, Lew!”
● “The Bills needed me. I turn losers into winners and Buffalo would be so bigly now.”
● “No Pete Rose in Baseball HOF? This is the single greatest witch hunt of a .303 hitter in U.S. history.”
● “Just toured Shinnecock Hills GC. Looks awful!. . . . I have the best product, I have the best golf courses, I have the best bunkers.”
● “It’s like I always tell my friend Tom Brady: Sue them, sue them, sue them! #GOAT #MyMan”
● “Here’s the problem with @mcuban: He is not @realDonaldTrump. Loser!”
● “I said the BCS was A TOTAL DISASTER before anyone else. CFP is a step forward, but I will have AG look into why Dems have screwed this up too.”
● “Give Tim Tebow a chance — will do tremendous things on and off the field. A winner! #WinnersWin”
● “The Eagles should trade for a QB, but I want to keep the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, where it belongs!!!”
● “Nobody has land like I have land. #PlayTrumpNational”
● “If I had bought the Yankees, George Steinbrenner — great friend of mine, did a great job — would roll over in his grave at how many World Series titles NYC would have.”
● “The NFL image is really tarnished. Too soft! Boring games! Too many flags! Ratings down!”
● “The Nebraska Cornhuskers won the 1997 AP national football championship if you deduct the dozens of sportswriters who voted illegally. #FakeNews”
● “Floyd Mayweather Jr. is a total lightweight.”
● “Jim Kelly’s not an NFL hero. How is he a hero? I prefer people who weren’t 0-4 in Super Bowls. Embarrassing!
● “I’m not even sure Dirk Nowitzki should be in our country. #KeepAmericaAmerican”
● “Serena Williams can hit the heck out of a tennis ball, but I guarantee you she is the girlfriend from hell.”
● “NASCAR FIFA NYRA IAAF USGA FIBA CONCACAF NTRA COVFEFE”
Q. Since they added men’s and women’s squash, is it okay if the University of Virginia pretends to be Ivy League now? (Charlie Wood; Falls Church, Va.)
A. Back in the day, I believe Thomas Jefferson played squash regularly with one of his lawn jockeys.
Q. Is it true you are still America’s best sports commentator? (Monty McIntyre; Ravenswood, W.Va.)
A. Is this a rhetorical question?
Q. I agree with your recent column about cruelty to animals. I feel equally abused watching a Major League Baseball game. (Jim Lanctot; Indianapolis)
A. And in South Florida, greyhounds also have to watch Marlins games.
Q. Is it true that the tenure of Cleveland Browns quarterbacks will now be measured in a unit of time known as a “Scaramucci”? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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