Happy Holidays: Let’s open some baseball cards – CBSSports.com

Because it is winter and there is no baseball here, this scribe is going to look at some baseball cards in lieu of looking at actual baseball. So come with us, won’t you?

As was the case last time out, this trove of earthly delights was gifted to us by thinking man’s thinking man Eric Kay. Behold …

Now let us explore not only the dungeons but also the dragons within …

First, let us begin with a treacherous supposition: That Larry McWilliams and Rick Langford are the same man …

If they’re not the same man, then it’s a remarkable coincidence that two different men could have such similarly strong throat-hair games. The more likely explanation? Rick Langford, because he forgot to leave the calfskin leather attache of unmarked bills in the locker at the bus station, was forced to become Larry McWilliams.

Next? #AlexGonzalezSeniorPortrait …

His #PromGoals? Accomplished with relative ease.

Forthcoming: The rarely-glimpsed in captivity clean-shaven Jack McDowell …

Fine young Stanford man right there with no interest in loud, subversive rock and/or roll music.

Now, for your viewing pleasure …

Rich Monteleone hootenanny? Yea, verily: Rich. Monteleone. Hootenanny.

Hey, look, it’s William VanLandingham …

Please appreciate Mr. VanLandingham’s relenteless sense of mission that’s apparent despite the fact that he’s being assailed by electric urine streams as he strides toward the plate. Who, in the service of merrymaking, is voiding his bladder upon William VanLandingham? Yep …

It’s Cecilio Guante, puckish author of misrule.

Just around the bend, it’s Jack Armstrong carrying a bucket …

That was Jack Armstrong, NL starter of the 1990 All-Star Game, carrying a bucket.

Here’s Mike Davis and his high-fashion eyewear …

And here are some ball-playing peers who saw the Mike Davis Gentleman’s Druthers Eyewear Presented By Foster Grant^TM print ads and then took the appropriate steps …

Sherman Corbett? Sherman. Corbett.

Here’s the ahead-of-his-time Jim Presley with the duck-face home run celebration …

And here’s Kevin Appier trying and miserably failing to co-opt the Jim Presley duck-face …

Here are Henry Cotto and Dave Schmidt …

As you can see, they are, respectively, bewildered and palpably displeased by something that has occurred. What has occurred?

Cecilio Guante, puckish author of misrule, has occurred. That’s what.

Here’s Matt Williams trying to track a pop-up while being attacked by a giant wasp …

Harrowing stuff, obviously. Here’s the full highlight of the play in question …

Ah, well. Game effort by Matt Williams just the same.

Here’s Les Lancaster and an example of the “putting on a fresh pair of BVDs” school of pitching mechanics …

Forthcoming: The rarely-glimpsed-in-captivity relief pitcher in a batting helmet …

Forthcoming: A baseball card strongly suggestive of defensive excellence …

And that’s all for this installment. Thank you for your time and page views. In righteous conclusion …