Saturday is already being talked about as the biggest single day in recent sports memory. A boxing match years in the making, Game 7 of an NBA playoff series, playoff hockey, the Kentucky Derby — your plate’s pretty dang full. But can you spend an entire day just watching live sports, with limited commercial interruptions (of course), from start to finish. Yes! Here’s how. (All times are Eastern and based on whatever my local TV listing says is on. You can come over to my apartment if you don’t get these channels, just bring chips.)
8 a.m. – Start your sports day by turning to NBCSN, where Leicester City vs. Newcastle will already be underway.
9 a.m. – Next, head to Fox Soccer Plus to catch the end of Hearts-Rangers as the Jam Tarts celebrate their return to the Scottish Premiership after being relegated and exiting insolvency.
9:30 a.m. – The only live sports option I can find for you is Hoffenheim vs. Borussia Dortmund on GOL TV; you may be better served assembling your snacks and water bottles for the day. Consider some light stretching as well.
10 a.m. – Albany. Stony Brook. IT’S THE AMERICA EAST LACROSSE CHAMPIONSHIP ONLY ON ESPNU, BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELT BECAUSE THIS ROLLER COASTER RIDE DOESN’T STOP UNTIL ONE TEAM IS LEFT!
11 a.m. – Mix in a dash of Virginia Tech-Navy women’s lacrosse on CBS Sports Network. Navy has a better record than the Hokies, so be sure to point this out to any VT friends you have and say “you know, just like in football.”
12 p.m. – Round 4 of the NFL Draft begins with the Tennessee Titans holding the 100th overall pick. David Cobb, Hau’oli Kikaha, Jamison Crowder and Anthony Chickillo are just some of the higher-profile players who may be available; tune in to either NFL Network or ESPN.
12:30 p.m. – After surrendering the deciding goal to the Capitals in the final seconds of Game 1, the Rangers have two choices in Game 2: win or find the clock operator and bribe him. Find out which path they choose on NBC.
1:30 p.m. – Say, did you know Florida has the No. 1 softball team in the nation? Have you heard that the Gators haven’t lost since late March? Would you be interested in watching them take on No. 13 Missouri on the SEC Network? Awesome! We can assure you that the University of Florida has no other sports teams other than this one.
2:15 p.m. – Turn to Pac-12 Networks to see Oregon’s spring game, where the focus will be on who wins the quarterback job for the summer until Vernon Adams enrolls. Hey, being the starter in June is still being the starter.
2:30 p.m. – Red Sox-Yankees starts an hour before this on YES, so by this point Yankees pitcher Nathan Eovaldi will likely have struck out four batters and given up three runs. He believes all things should be balanced in life.
3:45 p.m. – The main event at Talladega isn’t until Sunday, but you can still enjoy the second half of the Winn Dixie 300 on FOX. (This is what happened last year in the Sunday race.)
5:30 p.m.– NBCSN will be airing the Varsity Cup Championship, pitting the men’s rugby teams of Cal and BYU against each other for the third year in a row. The Cougars beat the Bears in 2013 and 2014, and some say a win this season would cement them as the greatest dynasty in college sports, way better than Duke basketball.*
*Me. I am the only one saying this, just to be a jerk.
6 p.m. – Post time for the Kentucky Derby is set for 6:24, but click over to NBC early so you can watch drunk people in silly hats and reporters on horseback. You can also use this time to pretend you know something about the field. I heard El Kabeir is going to demand a trade to the Lakers this offseason!
6:30 p.m. – Go back to the NFL Draft to see if a) Florida State can break the record for players taken over a three-year period and b) Tennessee can keep up its streak of having at least one Volunteer selected. The last time the Draft didn’t feature a Vol? 1963.
7 p.m. – Usain Bolt, Allyson Felix and Sanya Richards-Ross will be amongst the competitors doing really fast things at the IAAF World Relays, airing on Universal Sports.
7:30 p.m. – If you’ve got the most expansive sports package offered by your cable provider, you can probably watch Bill Hamid’s return from injury for DC United when they play the Columbus Crew. If you don’t, maybe see if your neighbor does?
8 p.m. – Game seven of the Clippers-Spurs series is on TNT, and San Antonio better figure out what to do with Blake Griffin if they want to advance. I propose kidnapping him.
9:15 p.m. – As much as I like TNT’s halftime show, it’s not live sports. So you should spend that time on ESPN2, watching the undefeated San Jose Sabercats play the reigning champion Arizona Rattlers in a battle of Arena League titans.
9:30 p.m. – Okay, that was fun. Back to basketball now.
10:30 p.m. – The television schedule says Spurs-Clippers will be done by 10:30; you’re probably skeptical this will turn out to be true. So am I, but we need a backup plan just in case, and it comes in the form of AMA Supercross in Las Vegas, live on Fox Sports 1.
11 p.m. – On Fox Sports 2, Fremantle, currently sitting in second place in the Australian Football League, takes on Melbourne. Melbourne, however, has senior coach Paul Roos, who was named Australian Father of the Year in 2008. He comes to all your school musicals.
Some undetermined point after midnight: Mayweather-Pacquiao, though we understand if you decide not to shell out for the pay per view.
Whenever the fight’s over: Go back to the Aussie rules match. Man, Paul Roos is SUCH a cool dad.
