Queer Photographer Revisits Traumatic High School Sports Tryouts – Huffington Post

Complicating matters further was the fact that Caruthers, like all teenagers, was struggling to accept and love his body, and feared exposing it in public.

“My body has never felt ordinary to me, as I have always been thin and fragile,” he said. “Being born with a bone deformity in my chest called pectus excavatum only contributed to this. Due to this condition and my skinny frame I was petrified to remove my shirt in the locker room, go swimming, or play sports with other boys.”

Amidst all this turmoil, Caruthers was just learning to understand his sexuality, remaining desperately determined to hide all feelings of curiosity and desire. As a result, the artist found himself feeling worlds apart from most of the boys in his school and, on a larger scale, men in general.

In his performative photo series, Caruthers explores the identities of a variety of athletes, donning their uniforms and equipment, invading their arenas. And yet he never quite blends in. He’s at times too awkward or too lethargic, too graceful, sensual or delicate. In a wrestling uniform, Caruthers resembles Johannes Vermeer’s “Girl with a Pearl Earring,” gazing intently at the camera. In an aqua-blue swimming pool he looks almost like Ophelia, floating in a lifeless, dream state.