The Oscar Robertsons: Best sports movies, actors and scenes ever – CBSSports.com

Sunday night at the Oscars, we’ll see a bunch of well-dressed people speak in reverential tones about the unimaginable challenges that come with making movies. We’ll hear rambling speeches, absorb excessive musical numbers, then wonder where those four hours just went.

If that’s your jam, hey … mazel tov.

For the rest of us, the Oscars offer an excuse to discuss what’s really important: the best sports movies of all time, with the word “best” being used as liberally as possible.

Welcome to The Oscar Robertsons. For your reading and viewing pleasure, we’ve broken down some of the most iconic sports films, sports film actors, sports film scenes, and 14 other categories that slice and dice both legitimate movie classics, plus a few delightfully mockable flops. I named these awards The Oscar Robertsons for three reasons. 1) The Hall of Fame basketball player’s name (obviously). 2) I’m a sucker for both athletes and films that can dominate in multiple ways, and Oscar Robertson was a triple-double machine. 3) I like to imagine the 77-year-old Big O becoming so fed up with watching Steph Curry splash threes from midcourt that he shows up at the Warriors’ next game, runs onto the court, slaps his palms down, stares at Curry, and yells “LET’S GOOOOOO!!!”

Your move, Oscar.

We have just two simple rules here: First, any movie in which the actors actually play a sport on screen counts as a sports movie. This loose criterion will likely trigger some violent brawls, or at least some choice insults. I encourage you to hurl all of said insults at me on Twitter, @jonahkeri using #OscarRobertsonAwards. And second, each movie can only appear in one category. Seventeen categories times five films per category equals 85 chances to reminisce over your favorites.

Here then are The Oscar Robertsons, the triple-doublest collection of movie awards ever assembled.

Best Picture That Won/Was Nominated for Big Awards

Breaking Away (1979): I’ve never met anyone who saw Breaking Away and didn’t love it.

Field of Dreams (1989): Dare you to watch this movie and not spend the next week saying “Moonlight Graham” in a James Earl Jones voice.

Hoosiers (1986): One of the best underdog stories ever told. You can’t go wrong with Gene Hackman and Dennis Hopper.

Rocky (1976): If you’ve ever been to the Philadelphia Museum of Art and didn’t run up the stairs, I don’t want to know you.

The Hustler (1961): How great an actor was Paul Newman? He had more phenomenal movies that start with the letter H than nearly any other actor has good movies that start with every letter of the alphabet.

Best Picture That Didn’t Win Big Awards But You Watch It Over and Over

Bull Durham (1988): “I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. And the only church that truly feeds the soul, day-in day-out, is the Church of Baseball.”

Caddyshack (1980): Nnnnnoonan.

Kingpin (1996): Best use of both a hand-hook and the Amish in a comedy.

Little Big League (1994): The most underrated sports movie of all time. If anyone tries to tell you it’s a kids’ movie, remind them that Billy Heywood knows more about baseball strategy than 25 of the 30 current Major League Baseball managers.

White Men Can’t Jump (1992): What is a quince?

Best Performance by a Man

Al Pacino as Tony D’Amato, Any Given Sunday (1999): All you need to know:

Michael B. Jordan as Adonis Johnson, Creed (2015): If we’re going to address #OscarsSoWhite, I’ll say that “Straight Oughta Compton” was the bigger snub. Still, Jordan’s performance in Creed was pretty damn good.

Paul Newman as Reg Dunlop, Slap Shot (1977): By the end of this column, you will know two things about me: I’m a sucker for Little Big League, and believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that Paul Newman is the greatest actor of all time. Slays drama, and as Slap Shot ably demonstrates, crushes comedy too.

Robert De Niro as Bruce Pearson, Bang the Drum Slowly (1973): This movie, along with Mean Streets, launched an unforgettable career (we’ll pretend his past 20 years of movie choices never happened).

Russell Crowe as Jim Braddock, Cinderella Man (2005): Ably pulls off the heavyweight boxer role, and old-timey Damon Runyan nickname.

Best Performance by a Woman

Connie Britton as Sharon Gaines, Friday Night Lights (2004): She is more of a Tami Taylor, to be fair.

Geena Davis as Dottie Hinson, A League of Their Own (1992): The Johnny Bench of women’s baseball.

Glenn Close as Iris Gaines, The Natural (1984): The Lady In White.

Parminder Nagra as Jess Bhamra, Bend It Like Beckham (2002): Badass London footballer.

Sandra Bullock as Leigh Anne Tuohy, The Blind Side (2009): Badass Tennessee mom.

Best Performance by a Child

Chauncey Leopardi as Squints, The Sandlot (1993): You’re damn right he landed Wendy Peffercorn!

Little boy who says, “Say it ain’t so, Joe,” Eight Men Out (1988): A one-line tour de force.

Max Pomeranc as Josh Waitzkin, Searching For Bobby Fischer (1993): This could’ve easily gone under the Best Picture category, but this is also one of the most affecting performances you’ll ever see from an eight-year-old actor.

Ricky Schroder as T.J. Flynn, The Champ (1979): My wife the psychology professor has colleagues who research mood. They play the iconic scene from this movie to make their research subjects sad.

Tatum O’Neal as Amanda Whurlitzer, Bad News Bears (1976): Fresh off of her Oscar win at age 10.

Not eligible because already nominated in another category: Luke Edwards as Billy Heywood, Little Big League (1994): Did I mention that I love Little Big League?

Best Performance by an Animal

Air Bud (1997): This brilliant actor was discovered on Letterman’s Stupid Pet Tricks.

Ed (1996): Rachel Phelps is often cited as the cruelest fictional sports owner, but the owners of the Santa Rosa Rockets selling their baseball-playing chimpanzee to make a quick buck might be worse. Not worse than this atrocious movie, of course. But still pretty bad.

Gus (1976): This movie features Don Knotts, Dick Butkus, Johnny Unitas, and a donkey playing football. Brutal snub by the Academy.

MVP: Most Valuable Primate (2000): They taught a chimpanzee to ice-skate?

Seabiscuit (2003): Six horses collectively played Seabiscuit. The Mary Kate and Ashley (x3) of horses.

Best Performance by a Cartoon

Bugs Bunny, Baseball Bugs (1946): Read this.

Doc Hudson, Cars (2006): Paul Newman loved cars so much, he became one for his final performance.

Mr. Swackhammer, Space Jam (1996): A dastardly villain with questionable judgment; he couldn’t find a better fifth Monstar than Shawn Bradley?!

Po, Kung Fu Panda (2008): “I know kung fu.”

Riley, Inside Out (2015): A surprising amount of hockey for a movie about feelings.

Best Method Acting

Charlie Sheen, Major League (1989): Already possessing a good throwing arm before he started training for the movie, Charlie Sheen has openly admitted that he took steroids. It worked. He reportedly pumped his fastball up into the mid-80s.

Hillary Swank, Million Dollar Baby (2004): She almost died.

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club (2013): Leto’s character Rayon isn’t in the rodeo parts of the movie, but it’s still a sports movie. He reportedly did not break character for the entire shoot.

Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler (2008): Like Sheen, Rourke has also admitted to taking steroids for his role. Which is just the 627th-most depressing part of The Wrestler.

Robert De Niro, Raging Bull (1980): The man who made the world aware of method acting.

Best Performance By An Actor Who Clearly Is Actually Good At The Sport

Alex English, Amazing Grace and Chuck (1987): If Alex English had actually been on the same team as Larry Bird and Kevin McHale, it would have been the greatest team of all time. That said, Amazing Grace wears Cornbread Maxwell’s number in the movie; not sure how I feel about that.

Bruce Lee, every movie he ever did: Check it:

Ray Allen, He Got Game (1998): He does indeed have game.

Ray Nitschke, The Longest Yard (1974): Not a major role, but he’s here because we have to acknowledge how much better the Burt Reynolds version of this movie is, and also for someone to do a tale of the tape featuring Butkus vs. Nitschke in movie roles.

Shaquille O’Neal, Blue Chips (1994): Predictably dominant basketball performance, though the big man should have taken free throw lessons from fictional athletic director/Celtics great Bob Cousy.

Most Iconic Scene

Chariots of Fire (1981): My turn-ons include rainstorms, a good sense of humor, and running on the beach.

Happy Gilmore (1996): Bob Barker punches you in the face, you’re automatically in.

Rudy (1993): This movie’s a bit too schmaltzy, but the scene in which all of Rudy’s teammates place their jerseys on coach’s desk until he gives the little guy a chance still makes the room a little dusty.

Sudden Death (1995): No joke, possibly my favorite movie scene of all-time – Jean-Claude Van Damme vs. evil lady dressed in Pittsburgh Penguins mascot outfit. Transcendent.

The Last Boy Scout (1991): The movie’s climax features Billy Cole running downfield, ball in hand…then pulling out a gun and shooting a defender dead to clear a path for the end zone. Another unforgivable Oscar snub.

Best Montage

Good Vibrations, The Mighty Ducks (1992): A bunch of kids try on hockey equipment and fall down. C’mon, c’mon. Feel it. Feel it.

Hearts on Fire, Rocky IV (1985): True story. In our early 30s, I was at my buddy Dave’s apartment with his cousin from Chile. Dave was flipping around channels and came to the montage from Rocky IV. He got excited and started doing pushups, telling us between breaths, “Whenever I see this part of the movie, I get so pumped, I have to do pushups the whole time.” His cousin asked quizzically, “And you are proud of this?”

Shine, Better Off Dead (1985): Possibly the best skiing scene in any movie ever. Really.

Win In The End, Teen Wolf (1985):The single worst display of athleticism I’ve ever seen on film or in real life. Needless to say, I loved it.

You’re The Best, Karate Kid (1984): Yes, you are the best, montage.

Not eligible because already nominated in another category: Runaround Sue, Little Big League (1994): Every time Runaround Sue gets played at a wedding reception, I receive at least one tweet from a guest. That’s how much I love this montage.

Best Documentary

Dogtown and Z-Boys (2001): The vintage 1970s skateboarding video footage alone makes this a must-see doc.

Hoop Dreams (1994): The best storytelling in any sports movie I’ve ever seen. Even in documentary form, you’re still hanging on every moment of William Gates’ and Arthur Agee’s basketball journey.

Les Chiefs (2004): A lesser-known film but a great one, as evidenced by Jay Baruchel adapting it into his own hockey movie Goon, and ESPN.com naming it the second-best hockey movie of all time.

When We Were Kings (1996): This in-depth look at the famous Rumble in the Jungle will make you feel like you’re right there with Ali and Foreman, building up to Zaire, in 1974.

Winning: The Racing Life of Paul Newman (2015): You might not imagine Adam Carolla as a master filmmaker, but this telling of Paul Newman’s racing career is crisp, informative, fun, and heartfelt. (Is there anything Paul Newman couldn’t do?)

Best Movie Based on a True Story

Invictus (2009): Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon both earned Oscar noms for this compelling story about life in South Africa before and after the 1995 Rugby World Cup…and the end of apartheid.

Miracle (2004): There’s no way any movie could ever be as scintillating as the real events, but this telling of the 1980 U.S. hockey team still brings the goosebumps.

Moneyball (2011):

Rush (2013): Ron Howard’s account of the 1976 Formula 1 rivalry between racers James Hunt and Niki Lauda stretches the truth at times, but it’s still well worth the watch.

The Pride of the Yankees (1942): Gary Cooper as Lou Gehrig. A classic.

Best Made-Up Sport

BASEketball (1998): Matt and Trey find fame and fortune inventing a game I wish I could play daily.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001): Quidditch is a fictional sport in which kids fly around on brooms trying to throw, catch, or avoid different magical balls. It is now also a real sport, one that predictably started at Middlebury College.

The Hunger Games (2012): Kids kill each other as reality television.

The Most Dangerous Game (1932): Rich guy hunts humans for sport.

The Running Man (1987): Criminals flee professional killers as reality television.

Best Movie About A Sport That Not Everyone Agrees Is A Real Sport

DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story (2004): If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

Over The Top (1987): “Over The Top” might be the most apt movie title ever.

Rounders (1998): Lesson learned watching Teddy KGB play heads-up poker: Be careful how you eat your Oreo cookies.

The Sting (1973): We’re cheating a little here. The Sting does contain a high-stakes poker game, but mostly I just wanted to sneak in one of my all-time favorite movies.

The Wizard (1989): Another outstanding performance by Little Big League’s Luke Edwards. Today, people are still debating whether video games (a.k.a. eSports) qualify as sports, so here’s a point in eSports’ favor: The 2015 League of Legends World Championship had 36 million viewers, more than any other sporting event aside from the Super Bowl.

Best Sports Sequence in a Movie That Isn’t Otherwise About Sports

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986): “Hey batter batter batter batter batter. Sa-wing batter.”

Point Break (1991): “Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave before you take me in… I’m not going to paddle my way to New Zealand.”

Pulp Fiction (1994): “The night of the fight you may feel a slight sting. That’s pride f***ing with you. F*** pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps.”

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Stellar performance by Hines Ward on the opening kickoff return. Too bad Bane blew up the damn stadium.

The Social Network (2010): The Winklevoss twins might have become gold medalist rowers, if they hadn’t spent all that time getting owned by Zuckerberg.

Movie Spurring The Most Debate About Whether or Not It Is A Sports Movie

Basketball Diaries (1995): Pro: Basketball is in the name of the movie. Con: It’s mostly about all of the messed-up things that happen off the court.

Jerry Maguire (1996): Pro: The movie is about a sports agent dealing with numerous athletes and has a lot of on-field play. Con: “Do you know the human head weighs eight pounds?”

Warrior (2011): Pro: The best movie about MMA. Con: At heart, a family drama. Cain and Abel in the Octagon.

The Big Lebowski (1998): Pro: A lot of time spent bowling. Con: “Shut the f*** up, Donny.”

Tin Cup (1996): Pro: It is in fact the story of a self-destructive golfer. Con: Roy McAvoy would have self-destructed no matter what he did for a living.