SAN FRANCISCO — OK, at the top, let’s get this out of the way: By the end of this column, we may have to pretend like we never had this conversation. If anyone ever finds out, they’ll take away our Gotham Cards, our Metropolis Cards.
We are New York City. We are not supposed ever to admit we are jealous of anyone, anywhere, anytime. We are the Greatest City in the World (a slogan coined, no doubt, by the same brain that has perpetually deemed Madison Square Garden “The World’s Most Famous Arena”); we definitely do not lack for self confidence.
But let’s play along anyway.
If we officially were to be jealous of another sports city, which one would it be?
I would argue it would be this one, San Francisco, a town we don’t necessarily think of when it comes to sporting rivalries, a city that seems just as happy swirling a fine glass of vino around its mouth as spewing venom at a stadium or an arena.
Let’s look at some of the candidates:
Boston
Face it, it’s been a hell of a run for the town of beans. Since January of 2002, there have been four Super Bowls for the Patriots, three World Series for the Sox, titles for the Bruins and Celtics. That’s nine for them and only three (two for the Giants, one for the Yankees) for us. But, then, there are two things to remember: 1) before January of 2002, this wasn’t even an argument; and 2) even if it was an argument, they’re Boston, we’re New York, we have nothing to be jealous of, not even their creamy (and utterly fattening) way of making clam chowder.
Chicago
OK, yes, they got the basketball dynasty in the ’90s that we’ve been craving since the ’70s. And, sure, yes, they had the ’85 Bears, a team that would certainly have taken its place among the most popular teams ever if it played in New York. But, then, they have the Cubs, who’ve been waiting 107 years (and counting) for a title, and that simply wouldn’t fly here. And let’s face it: If the ’86 Giants played the ’85 Bears, are we really sure our guys weren’t the better team? Really?
Los Angeles
It still seems beyond unjust that not only did they steal the Dodgers from us, but after decades of patient waiting, the Dodgers then delivered three championships in their first eight years in California. Sandy Koufax was ours; he should’ve stayed ours. And, sure, we would’ve learned to love the Showtime Lakers. But, then … it’s L.A. They’re just now getting back in the football business (sort of; it IS the Rams after all). They leave games early. It may be sunny in February but … OK, let’s move on. I’m starting to get a little jealous.
Philadelphia
Ha! See what I did there? Just kidding!
San Francisco
Maybe this would have been easier a few years ago, before the Giants won three World Series in five years. But all that did was serve as a reminder that a) San Francisco was every bit the thief Los Angeles was, and there should be a kind of sports-fan prison to which every NoCal citizen should be required to serve time; and b) there was a time when the New York Baseball Giants were the only team in New York City worth talking about.
Oh, yes: San Francisco has the 49ers, too, and for most of the time since 1981 or so that’s been a fine thing to have. And for the Other Team aficionados, there are the Athletics and Raiders, and let’s just say that’s not a bad alternative. And now, of course, there are the Warriors to add to the mix, a team that makes old-school Knicks fans weep and new-school Knicks fans rage. Also, there’s Slanted Door, the best Vietnamese restaurant outside of Vietnam.
If we were inclined to jealousy, this would be a hard town to endure …
Whack Back at Vac
William Conklin: No Marcus Allen on your list of 50 greatest Super Bowl moments? Be still my beating heart!
Vac: Don’t blame me! Blame Jack Squirek!
James H. Burns: These crazy sudden bouts of warm weather are playing havoc with my equilibrium. I keep expecting to go into my house, and be able to turn on a baseball game! (Heck, it’s not as though we haven’t had Aprils at Shea and Yankee Stadium, with snow on the ground!)
Vac: Can’t remember the last time all of baseball New York was THIS jazzed up about pitchers and catchers, and I love it.
@CoachFalk: Sam Mills was the nicest guy in the world. I was a freshman at Montclair, Sam was a senior, lived in the same dorm and let me be his friend. Still wow!
@MikeVacc: Rare is the athlete about whom nobody ever has or had a disparaging word. But Sam Mills falls into that category for certain.
Marc Aronin: How did Richard Dreyfus go from being the lovable Mr. Holland to Dick Cheney and Bernie Madoff?
Vac: It is also hard — and dispiriting — to picture “American Graffiti’s” Curt masterminding a Ponzi scheme.
Vac’s Whacks
There are a lot of things wrong with the NCAA. High on the list is when a school like Louisville — as Syracuse did before it — being able to select the time and place of their own penalties — in this case, this year’s NCAA Tournament.
As you’re watching the Super Bowl from the comfort — or, as Roger Goodell would tell you, the imminent danger — of your favorite couch, just picture Phil Esterhaus looking at you, winking, and saying, “Let’s be careful out there.”
Well, then, it sure didn’t take very long for the pro basketball season to get away from us here in New York City, did it?
Who else is ready for “House of Cards?”
